opinion : Alwyn Lau

Let’s talk about victim prevention

Alwyn Lau

MARCH 5 — Last week’s news of a sex scandal involving a Singaporean YouTuber kind of reminded me of what happened with American comedian Aziz Ansari. (see Note 1). 

The sequence of events is roughly similar: Girl meets (famous) guy, flirts with him, goes home, things develop to “3rd base”, girl doesn’t like it, says No, is “hesitant”, but guy continues with sexual advances, girl keeps giving in, later girl eventually files a report, and now everybody says it was a case of sexual predation.

For the record, let me say that I think the YouTuber’s behaviour was completely out of line and (I’m not a legal expert, but) I wouldn’t consider it overboard if charges are filed against him. 

Having said that, the Singaporean woman’s behaviour was likewise shocking.

By her own admission, she kept returning to his house three or four times, even eventually having sex with him. 

I’m like, if she was concerned about being sexually violated, why did she even go the second time, let alone three and four times?

It’s reported that during the first few times she kept kept refusing his advances but there was also her increasing willingness to do whatever Ang wanted her to do.

Why in God’s earth would a woman continue allowing a man to do things to her which she (supposedly) loathes? 

At what point would a woman take responsibility for choosing to go two, three and four times to the residence of a man who has “tried to hug her” and later (as mentioned) even have sex?

If the responses on social media are anything to go by, it would seem some women claim that they are completely helpless in such situations. Folks (like me) have no right to question a woman’s actions, we must focus the spotlight 200 per cent on the sexual predator.

Honestly, that’s just stupid. To ask what the sexually violated could do to prevent such situations from happening again (or to stop such situations from getting out of hand) is not at all to deny the sexual violator’s guilt and culpability.

Like I told a friend, if something like this happened to my daughter I would  1) do unspeakable things to the violator and 2) make it very clear to my daughter that there are steps she CAN take to prevent re-occurrences.

For example, how about getting to know a guy more fully before going home alone with him? How about simply refusing to take off one’s clothes and walking out the door should the guy keep insisting?

Are women 100 per cent at the mercy of those men they date? What happened to female agency and self-determination?

* Note 1: Based on the reports, the Singaporean is clearly in a different league from Ansari. I have some sympathy for the American comedian but I care not a jot for the YouTuber who sounds like a true-blue sexual predator.

** This is the personal opinion of the columnist.